Don't judge a book by its cover

I have mentioned before that I am a westerner in a Chinese-looking body and that my boyfriend is a Chinese man in a blonde-haired blue-eyed outfit.

This usually puts us in comical situations. A couple of anecdotes below.

As we were wandering around the courtyards of the Louvre during our holidays in Paris this summer, a Chinese lady walked up to me and talked to me in Chinese. My Chinese is shamefully poor, and I looked up to my boyfriend, who said: "she is asking you where the entrance to the museum is". I weighed up my options, and thought that the extent of my vocabulary would not allow me to give a clear enough answer in Chinese. So I turned back to my boyfriend and said to him in English: "tell her she needs to walk round to the other side of the big pyramid to the entrance and go downstairs", which he duly translated to her in his fluent Chinese.
In the meantime, the Chinese lady was still staring at me, expecting Chinese words to come out of my mouth and probably not understanding why the Chinese words she heard were in such a deep voice!
That's what happens when you have a "banana" and an "egg".

Today my boyfriend was showing his flat round to a prospective flatmate, a lovely Russian Maria. I said hello and had a little chat with her, then left them to it. He took care to be engaging with her, and telling her enough about himself and his life and finding out about herself and her lifestyle, to see whether they would get on as flatmates. When she reveals that her boyfriend is French, he says: "my girlfriend is French too", at which point she wears a very uncomfortable and unsure look on her face.
Sensing what was happening, I offered: "that will be me!"
She walked up to me and blurted out with a hugely relieved expression: "oh YOU're French?"
She must have been thinking that he was talking about someone else while I was in the room, hence the discomfort.

Hey that's what happens when your looks don't match your inner nature.
And it's often hilarious.

Love languages and MBTI personality types

You may have come across the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) personality types, used widely by corporations to understand people's psychological preferences in how they perceive the world and make decisions.

The theory defines 4 axes on which everyone is plotted.
- introvert - extrovert: whether you are "energised" by solitude or by other people. A good way of thinking about it is, when you are really stressed out, do you prefer talking it through with others or shutting yourself away to think it through?
- sensing / intuition: whether you are a detailed or big picture person.
- thinking / feeling: do you make decisions based on facts or based on feelings?
- judging / perceiving: are you a planner or do you leave things to chance? Do you need to finish your work before you play or do you play whenever you like? Do you need a structured plan or are you more spontaneous? When buying an Ikea flatpack, do you read the instructions or do you start getting on with the job straight away?

Each of these axes is a scale, where you determine how strong your preference is.
For example, I have a very marginal preference for the Extrovert way of energising and for the Thinking type of decision-making. However I am 3/4 of the way towards being detailed-oriented ('Sensing'), and I am a very strong planner ('Judging').

At the beginning of our relationship, my boyfriend and I discussed this theory. Since he hadn't taken the assessment before, I took a guess as to which type he was, and sent him a long email explaining why I thought he was an ESTJ. A sociable and extrovert, detailed-oriented, organised person who makes decisions based on logic and facts and doesn't really let feelings influence his decisions.
His response to my indigestible email was: "what an unusual way to say "I love you"!".
I found that a very cute and funny response to the geekiness that many of my friends accuse me of.

A few months later, he actually took the assessment with his company, and to my surprised disappointment, he turned out to be an ISTP, someone who is energised by thinking in solitude, is detail-oriented, makes decisions based on logic and facts and does not like to make plans.
The big discovery was the 'P' - Perceiving. I always thought that because his work requires him to juggle with many projects, clients and deadlines, he was a very organised planner. The assessment showed that he actually prefers spontaneity.
Suddenly a lot of things made sense. Before that, I couldn't understand why he would systematically promise that he would be somewhere at a certain time and tell me at the last minute that he would be there an hour or two later, or not be there at all. I couldn't understand why we would agree to do certain things but he wouldn't even move until the very last minute. I thought his behaviour showed a lack of commitment and consideration.
Well, it wasn't any of those. It's just how he is, how his brain thinks and drives his behaviour.

Nowadays when I get annoyed by his lack of planning and forward-thinking, I just blurt out: "you're such a 'P'!!". It actually sounds like an insult too. After that, I feel satisfied that I have made a point, and I can move on by observing that I accept his personal preferences, without getting upset doubting his feelings for me.

Anyway. Must dash, I am off to sort out a present for his best friend's imminent wedding.